After last night, I could never be a politician.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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