I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
