So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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