he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
