im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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