Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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