Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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