I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
