Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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