at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
