Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
