Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
