I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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