Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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