Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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