i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
