I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
