I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know her cup size but not her name....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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