I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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