The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
