So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
