yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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