i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
