This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
