remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
