Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
