That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
