Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
