My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
we're so committed to being not committed
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