i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
