Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
