I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize