I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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