he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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