I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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