You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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