What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
