Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
