woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
