My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
