I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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