the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
