i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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