oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
