i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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