The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
