So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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