Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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