I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
