this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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