Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
