you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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