youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
