I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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