One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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