I hate all girls vehemently.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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