I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Naked. naked and bneed help.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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