WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
