If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We left the knife in your bed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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