Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
