First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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