All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
