I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
zippers are such a cool invention
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
