You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
