shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Green mimosas i think yes
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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