Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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