My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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