So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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