Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
