So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
